


Taste the Rainbow

by BalloonArcade



Series: Sideswipe's Delivery Service [2]
Category: Transformers - All Media Types
Genre: Crack, Humor, Lambros
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-20
Updated: 2017-01-20
Packaged: 2018-09-18 20:28:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 959
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9401726
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BalloonArcade/pseuds/BalloonArcade
Summary: Humans are so fragile, their lives so short, and Sideswipe tries desperately to keep them alive during their 5-20 minute rides in his interior.Sideswipe is taking on human passengers on the sly for Lyft and if Sunny finds out he'll report him directly to Prowl.





	

**Author's Note:**

> There is a post going around Tumblr with photos of the best Lyft driver ever. 
> 
> It shows an iPad on the back of the head rest, all sorts of charging cables for phones, sunscreen, hand sanitizer, candy, pain killers - basically that driver is ready for anything to keep their passengers happy and I was tagged stating that it looked like something Sideswipe would do. 
> 
> And suddenly I had a spin off from my original where Sideswipe tries to take on human passengers on the sly and hides it from his twin who will tell Prowl if he knows

............................

Review for Lyft Driver: Sideswipe, red Continach Lamborghini

Driver was pushy and kept insisting I wear sunscreen then complained when some dripped onto his seats.

iPad and headphones were an incredibly nice surprise.

Told me to use the hand sanitizer before I touched anything or his brother would kill him. He seemed legitimately scared that that was a possibility.

Driver insisted I keep eating candy so I don’t die.

I ate candy for 15 minutes.

Three stars

............................

His brother was going to kill him.

Or worse. 

He was going to tell _Prowl_.

Humans lived such short lives. While Sideswipe was positive he could keep his passengers safe from anything short of Devastator stepping on him, he knew from his undigested fuel deliveries with ÜberEats, they had to consume their organic fuel almost constantly.

He did research.

And their entire systems depended on glucose levels. 

So Sideswipe ensured that he carried a surplus supply of glucose and he felt smug that he could acceptably keep his passengers alive for the 5-20 minutes they spent in his interior.

And when the little human sparkling, who sat next to her creator entranced by the iPad, kept eating the glucose, Sideswipe was happy that for once, a human knew how to keep themselves alive without his constant prodding.

Perhaps human sparkings require additional glucose he mused. 

They live such short lives but they developed so fast.

Suddenly concerned he popped his emergency glucose reserve panel open and the human sparking’s wet optics lit up, and she started to shove fist full of the rainbow colored hard supplements into her mouth.

The package had said to “taste the rainbow,” and while Sideswipe had yet to figure out the human nutritional requirements of rainbows or how the humans harvested them, he was glad he had purchased them in bulk online.

Apparently this human sparking was suffering from rainbow deficiency.  

After about 10 minutes the human sparkling had eaten through half his reserve.

She leaned back in her seat and rubbed her stomach as he took a particularly tight turn.

He nudged the sunscreen toward her. 

With some of his income he had had a special UV coating applied to his windows.

Primus! The human’s own sun tried to kill them, and when the sparkling stepped out of his cab she’d be defenseless against it.

She leaned forward to grab the tube he was wiggling back and forth for her attention, when it happened.

A spray of half chewed, multicolored gooey glucose burst forth from her mouth.

Sideswipe slammed on his brakes. The hand sanitizer. He forgot to make her use it before she ate! 

The sparkling must have picked up a microorganism and ingested it.

Humans had tiny microscopic organic organisms in their system, and by Primus, somehow their weak fleshy bodies constantly fought them off.

“Honey, how much candy did you eat?” Her creator rubbed her back as the little human sparkling heaved and brought forth another gushing rainbow.

“That’s it honey, just let it out.”

At this point the smell hit Sideswipe’s olfactory sensors. He couldn’t even open the windows because then the human’s sun might kill them!

The half chewed gooey mess was seeping into his seats, and down crevasses he wasn’t even aware he had in his interior.

“Can you put it back in?” Sideswipe whined and shuddered.

“Seriously? Just drive. The company reimburses you for interiors doesn’t it?”

Sideswipe quickly checked his terms and conditions.

“Yea...”

“I’ll give you a big tip but I think you might want to tone it down on the candy…the iPad, chargers and headphones are a nice touch though.”

Sideswipe brought them to their destination and shuddered as he could feel the purge of rainbow slush seep deeper into his floor mats and internals.

As the little sparkling left on shaking legs he flicked a tube of sunscreen out the door after them.

He rushed to the nearest car wash and when the worker asked what service he wanted he just threw open his doors and screamed “HELP ME!”

After his second wash and shampoo Prowl started pinging him on his comms.

He was late for patrol.

Pinging his brother over their comms, he asked if he would cover his shift. 

:Why?:

:Because I’m in the middle of wash and it’s kinda important.:

The silence that greeted him made Sideswipe realize his mistake.

:Look Sunny I-:

:I thought you were working.: Oh he sounded fragged.

:Yea, about that -:

:YOU WENT TO THE CAR WASH WITHOUT ME?!?:

Sideswipe didn’t know what was worse. Sunstreaker finding out he was taking human passengers and that they could backfire rainbows, or his brother thinking that he had spent the day getting detailed.

Sideswipe chose the later. 

:Cover your own aft.: Came the furious reply and the connection was abruptly cut.

That was close. 

He’d have to smooth the plating of his Big Bad Sunflower of Gloom and Doom when he returned to base, and spend time in the brig for missing his shift, but at least Prowl wouldn’t learn he was making money on the side.

Worth it.

Humans lived such short lives but their entire body, their entire planet was always trying to kill them. Sideswipe added rainbow overdose to his list.

Little fraggers were tenacious as the Pits.

:You better not be getting a full detail: His brother's muttered voice echoed through his comms.

Guilt filtered from his side of the bond before he could stop it.

:SERIOUSLY? YOU ARE THE WORST!: The comm connection was abruptly cut again. 

Sideswipe could feel a thunderstorm brewing from his twin’s side of their spark bond.

He’d have to bring him home some wax - okay so a lot of wax, and some nice new microfiber cloths.

Still worth it.


End file.
